Monday, November 1, 2010
All Saint's Day
Today is a day that always reminds me of why it is hard to be a Catholic. I have always found it to be difficult to be Catholic in our society. I know to some, this might sound crazy, but I often feel very persecuted for my beliefs. I have often wondered if it would be better to be Jewish. No one seems to question their faith or disrespect their faith as much as I feel other Christians disrespect and question mine. I have often been told that because I am Catholic...I am not Christian. That is like a knife to the heart. How awful to say that the oldest church is not Christian? I always feel like I should defend my religion. I say I feel like it, but I don't. It just isn't worth the heartache of getting into a debate, especially when it involves good friends of ours.
Now, after the loss of a daughter, the question of faith and religion is a constant topic on my mind. I am a realist in so many ways. The nurse in me is so scientific and rationale. But the nurse in me is also so sensitive to the things that can't be explained.
I have empathy for those who are agnostic or are atheist after a loss. How can you not be? How can these repetitive or horrible losses be explained? How can any of our religions justify what seems to be insanity? Why so much pain for women who want a child or want to keep the child that they have created...something that all religions agree is an important aspect of our faith lives. The procreation of children from a marriage. Marriage being one of the holiest sacraments that couples can participate in. Why would God want to deny couples that are righteously fulfilling our covenant with God?
But there you have it. God working in his ever mysterious way. I really hope that there is a Communion of Saints, because that would mean that Jamie is up there with the best of them, St. Anne of Seton, St. Jude, St. Francis of Assissi and so on.
I hope she is up there praying and waiting for the rest of us to join her, otherwise, all of "this" life is for nothing...........