Sunday, February 6, 2011

Love Lives Here

 "In our life there is a single color,
as on an artist's palette,
 which provides the meaning of life and art.
It is the color of love."
-Marc Chagall

If you recall, my friend, Mattie, invited a few of us to blog about love this month.   Her blog, Beauty Will Rise, is where you can learn about her triumphs and trials through the loss of her precious darlings, Shyla Joy and Jakin. 

Today is my turn to write a bit about love for the project called What Love Really Means.  Follow the button on the sidebar to read more from some amazing bloggers.  I am thoroughly enjoying them myself the past few days and completely honored that she asked me to join in!!


If you haven't noticed, when I set up this blog, my description was and still is "A place to incorporate my love...My love for my children.  My love for my family.  My love for crafts.  My love for life!!!" 

 So, I find it very fitting to finally write about my love!

"Love is coming face to face with the knowledge
 that you've found the best friend you'll ever have in this world"
-Lucy Murray

18 years ago, I was a mere 17 years old when I met my husband.  He helped me move into my college dorm.  14 years ago, we married shortly after I graduated from nursing school.  I am flabbergasted how many times we have moved, the amount of changes in our lives that have occurred, and the blessings we have been given along the way.  We both have had the opportunity to grow in our careers, our hobbies, and our spirituality.  I have had the honor of staying home for many years.  I have been working part-time as the clinic nurse at my boys' school...a dream come true.  

 We have three AMAZING boys that we can't imagine life without. 

"Now I know what love is"

Even with our normal lives, stressful times, we had no idea how one small little bundle would rock our world a little over a year ago.  We found out that our daughter, at 18wk gestation, had a fatal condition.  We were encouraged/instructed that early termination was the best idea. 
 Our own hearts guided us differently.  We decided to carry her as long as we could. 

Jamie Lynn arrived and our life has never been the same.

"You will find as you look back upon your life
that the moments when you have truly lived
are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."
-Henry Drummond

I often say that the day she was born, you could feel the bubble of love in that room.  A bubble of peace and tranquility.  My mom comments that God was in that bubble with us. I don't think she is far off.  The world around us continued, but we stopped.  We stopped to be with her.  Our boys were there to see their sister alive and then silently drift away from us.  My husband and I turned and clung to each other in our grief.
   I witnessed the day that my boys' hearts were first broken. I pray that they never have them shattered and splintered like that ever again.
  I know that in that room, we realized how precious each of us are to each other. 

  I would never want that taken away from any of us.

"Love is love's reward" 
 -John Dryden

And I know that through our love for her, our lovely Butterfly.....we could only see the arrival of our new bundle "Baby Button" in a mere week and a half as such a precious gift from above.  

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
-only with what you are expecting to give-
which is everything."
-Katharine Hepburn

After she was gone, I could only continue to put my love in my sewing and crafting. Love into being with my family.  Love into taking care of my boys.
 Really, love into everything that I do. 
 I try to honor the fact that God gave me the gift of my husband. He gave me the gift of my boys.  He gave me a gift of another baby.  He gave me the gift to create. AND He gave me the gift of Jamie.

 Instead of wallowing in grief, I can use her life as inspiration for my life.  Inspiration for my personal charity for other baby loss mommas. 
I can share my journey with other moms that are facing grief, loss, and pain.

I can "do" what she never can.

Because I love her that much...


  1. Heidi,
    I came here via Mattie's blog...but am so glad that I did. This post just touched my soul. I love the way you express the love that your children and husband give you along with the love that God has allowed you to feel and give. I will continue to follow your blog through your journey without your little Jamie and with this new rainbow baby. ((hugs))

  2. I am new to your blog and I LOVE this post!!! thank you so much for sharing this with us!

  3. Getting to know you at our scrapbooking retreats has been so rewarding to me. It was fun to get to know your boys before I even knew you. I can definitely see where they get their sweet nature from. I consider it a blessing to know you and for you and your family be a part of my life. You write a wonderful loving blog!

  4. Heidi, I'm new here. I came over from Mattie's blog. This is such a precious and beautiful blog post about love! Thank you for sharing your heart.

  5. I'm here from Mattie's blog too. *blush* But I'm so very glad I came... WOW! That brought tears to my eyes! Jamie Lynn is so beautiful & what a precious family she was given. *HUGS* & *LOVE* from another baby loss momma! <3

  6. Heidi,

    I just became one of your follows and I found you on Mattie's blog. This post is just amazing! I think it is so wonderful that your boys were able to see their sister with you and your husband. Thank you for sharing with us and congratulations on your new rainbow baby!


  7. Heidi,

    I am a new follower. I found you through Mattie's blog. What an amazing post about love. I'm not going to lie...I sit here typing through tears. You have a beautiful family. ♥ Thank you for sharing your heart...I know it isn't easy to do sometimes. Congrats on your rainbow, what a wonderful blessing.

    Thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers.

    With love,

  8. Thank you so much for this post Heidi. It really shows your lovely heart and the love you have for your family. You are such a beautiful lady and I feel so blessed to "know" you. Big Hugs!

  9. Thanks for all the lovely comments ladies! I have been absolutely LOVING the posts on all of the blogs. Can't wait to read more!

    @Mattie: Thanks so much for letting me be a part of a really special thing!!!

  10. Heidi...what a beautiful testimony of the love shared in your sweet family as you walk through the joys and sorrows of life together. And what a gesture of love to reach out to other mothers using your gift, creating beautiful, tangible memories with your hands...a lovely gift born from your precious Jamie's life.

    So glad i stopped by to meet you.


  11. I love your post! It is a beautiful love that our children give us and I love the charity that you have.

  12. I came from Mattie's post as well...I love, love, love (no pun intended!) reading all the precious words from each lovely woman and mother!!!

    Thank you for sharing your words and your heart. They lifted mine today!

  13. i'm touched that you shared this with everyone. my heart goes out to you and hope you have a healthy birth of your next little miracle. I'll be praying for you! God bless!

  14. Dear sweet Heidi....I came here last night to read your blog and ended up staying here til after midnight even as tired as I was after our eventful day.:). I have heard so many stories about you and your beautiful family from Carie but what an amazing thing it has been to read your story, right from your own heart, directly after spending a wonderful afternoon getting to know you and watching your love mingle with mine all around us yesterday. You and Aaron have been through so much and yet the spirit of unity and love shines out like a beacon from your family.

    I feel so grateful that we finally met. You described your blog as messy but I have to say, it is one of the most beautiful messes I have ever encountered in the blogging world and I imagine that you have a powerful and positive and profoundly meaningful impact on many families that desperately need it. I hope you maintain your "mess" for a very long time.

    Thank you for sharing your heart openly and honestly. I lost a baby at 13 weeks between Jimmy and Sean and twins after Eric and I thought my heart would forever shatter. I let the tears fall then and I let them fall now as I look at these precious photographs of a time that shaped your family and bonded you further...beyond measure and I feel very proud that you are part of my family.

    We get so busy in life. We pass people sometimes without ever knowing their story. We are a society of people living and breathing beside each other but often SO disconnected. Bloggers like you begin to reestablish that fellowship of connection. I am just completely blown away by that....and by you. I hope you'll allow me to call you friend, in both the real world, and in the blogosphere.

    Jamie lives in the arms of an angel with wings. Your 4 boys and your husband, live in the arms of one with a great deal of heart. May God bless you all.


I cannot wait to hear what you have to say! Seriously! It makes my day!


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