"Every end is a new beginning"
Today was a tough day.
I woke up sad knowing that I was walking into the school clinic that I work at for the last time. This also happens to be where my boys go to school.
I REALLY loved my job. But after much prayer and plain common sense, I realized my family needed me home again.
I won't deny that I will LOVE to be home all day with this Button.
However, it is with mixed emotions that I packed up my things this afternoon.
Of course, I can't stay away from that place. I will be helping out with screenings. Doing some substituting if needed. It is a second home to me. I just felt so welcomed and loved by all. I knew that on any given day, I could walk in cranky and walk out smiling. Feeling like I made a difference in some child's life.
I also think it makes the arrival of Button all the more REAL. I have had this date in place since New Year's as my "last day" before maternity leave. Then a few weeks ago, it became my "LAST day" at work. The date was set because we knew my repeat c-section was the next week and I wanted to work as close as possible to that date. I would go in to work on Monday and Tuesday if hubby would let me!
I already know that I am going to start crawling up walls in anticipation in a mere few hours. Not the "normal" kind, but the kind that is filled with anxiety, worry, sadness, anger, and whatever else emotion decides to bubble to the top! This "rainbow" baby stuff is a lot harder than I EVER imagined!
So I am going to focus on my "end" being a "beginning". I will force myself to forsee a future with a child that will actually come home with us. I will help hubby put the carseat together this weekend. And even one step furthur...put it in the car. I will take tags off some of the baby blankets and clothes and actually wash them.
Because Button is my new beginning.