Monday, July 30, 2012

I Need Me.

The other day, Mr. Boss said, "I think I need you more than you need me".

Are you surprised?  Were you expecting me to say "No, honey...I totally need you more" or something really profound or something completely funny?
Yeah.  Me too!

But I didn't.  I was silent.  The words stumbling in my head.  The wheels and gears rapidly turning as quickly as they could in my normally efficient brain.  The only thing that came out was.

"I need me too."

Everyone wants me in this house.  My attention.  My advice.  My labor.  My skills.  My time.
  I have been driving more this summer than I do when the boys are all in school!  I am not even going to list all the things I do in one day, because if you are a normal human being?  I know you are busy, too!

Not to mention that I have more WIPs and UFOs than I ever have had in my entire life!  Normally, I have about one or two projects actually in progress.  I would always have a list of "to dos", but only on paper or in my head.  Now? I have baskets and bins of projects, and projects just laying around..

My newest WIP that is just sitting on my cutting/design island.

...and frankly?  
It is getting overwhelming and frustrating. 
I make calendars and lists and try to organize myself.  

Endless possibilites...until I start filling it up.
And then I get bamboozled by my boys, my husband, my "real" life and the plans become pointless.  

July's Calendar was crumpled by me in frustration.....

Just when I get a handle on laundry or housecleaning, it is time to do it again.

An endless circle of running like a chicken with my head cut off!

And the root of my problem?  I have touched my machines only twice since June 30th.  Vacation, family in town, and the general craziness of summer has prevented it.  And, lately, by the time I lay Button down to bed for the night, I am too tired and exhausted to go in my studio and sew.  Instead, I sit and stare at the tv...not even reading all the blogs that I normally enjoy.  

Okay...I have been doodling.

But really.  I think I have been feeling guilty. 
 Of what, you ask?  
Of taking "me" time.  I ALWAYS feel guilty.

It ends today.

My official announcement?  I will now take Button's naptime as mine.  If the chores aren't done when I lay him down?  Oh well.  I will commence them when he wakes up.  He already likes to load the washer and dryer, and is always taking over my vacuuming.  So why not do the chores when I have a little helper?  We can sing our ABCs while we do it.  We can talk colors.  Or I can just enjoy my free child labor.

And I am taking back some of my nights.
 I won't go in my studio, every single night....the boys and Mr. Boss need me...
but they are going to have to start sharing me with me.

But first.....

I need to take the one of the boys to tennis camp. 


  1. Ahhh the age old argument every mother/wife has with themselves...And then we have guilt...The trick is to rememeber we deserve that time and there is NO NEED for guilt..

  2. Yes, I have that mama guilt too. And my schedule isn't nearly as busy as yours is. I finally got my hair trimmed for the first time since June of last year. Why must everything have guilt attatched to it for us?

    1. No one is better at it then us women!!! We constantly put the pressure on ourselves, don't we?

  3. At times during the day when one of the kids ask "Mom, I need..." or "Mom, where is..." I just answer "Your mom had to go out to run some errands, She will be back in an hour or so". They both look at me in a strange way, smile a bit and...WALK AWAY!!!! They got the message! guilt from my side, sorry!!! LOL

  4. If mum is happy then the house is happy :) That is what everyone here has learnt. Oh, and it is always more fun to do the house work with a little help :o) Loving that project. It looks amazing and it is great to see your design come to life. I just wish it was comming my way ;o)

  5. I remember those days all too well. We had 5 boys and 1 girl. I once said to my Mom, " if I'm a stay at home mom, then how come I live in my van!"


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