She would have been three today.....
I have been avoiding this for MONTHS now.
Her third birthday/anniversary...whatever you want to call it.
I am even pretending that it isn't as I type this post.
But I know it has been three years.
The proof is when I see the boys now
and compare them to then
My, have they grown...both in age and in numbers.
It is also hard to deny the fact that this little guy wouldn't be here...without her.
As for her birthday in particular?
I have no plans. No one in the house wants to give me ideas. Butterfly Releases are only for special birthdays like her First Birthday. I was told that a balloon release is not cool anymore. I would have Button release one, but I am not sure I want to deal with the "OH NOOOO, momma!!" from that little boy when it went floating up to the heavens.
So I am hoping she sends a butterfly to me....
Just to let me know everything is alright.
The reason I decided to even write this post is that I realized ten minutes ago that all the excess energy I have had the last three days is due to the fact that I am avoiding it all. I have been unconsciously distracting myself. And I have also been stacking up my plate to keep busy.
I am praying.
I am praying that I cry at least once. I didn't cry at all last year on her birthday. I am also praying I don't cry ALL day either.
What a conundrum!
But I also must remember.
She is the reason I am quilting again with a fervor I have never had before.
She is the reason I try to put all the pieces together.
She is the reason I started this blog over two years ago, to share her story.
To share me.
She is my ambassador for Butterfly Kisses.
She has taken a person who has always wanted to give, but never could figure out how.
She has changed me.
For the good.
Happy Birthday...and thank you so much....
.....my darling baby girl....