Sunday, October 14, 2012


She would have been three today.....

I have been avoiding this for MONTHS now.
Her third birthday/anniversary...whatever you want to call it.

I am even pretending that it isn't as I type this post.

 But I know it has been three years.

 The proof is when I see the boys now

and compare them to then

 My, have they grown...both in age and in numbers.

 It is also hard to deny the fact that this little guy wouldn't be here...without her.

As for her birthday in particular?

I have no plans.  No one in the house wants to give me ideas.  Butterfly Releases are only for special birthdays like her First Birthday.  I was told that a balloon release is not cool anymore.   I would have Button release one, but I am not sure I want to deal with the "OH NOOOO, momma!!" from that little boy when it went floating up to the heavens.

So I am hoping she sends a butterfly to me....

Just to let me know everything is alright.

The reason I decided to even write this post is that I realized ten minutes ago that all the excess energy I have had the last three days is due to the fact that I am avoiding it all.  I have been unconsciously distracting myself.  And I have also been stacking up my plate to keep busy.

I am praying.   
I am praying that I cry at least once.  I didn't cry at all last year on her birthday.   I am also praying I don't cry ALL day either.  
What a conundrum!

But I also must remember.  

She is the reason I am quilting again with a fervor I have never had before. 

She is the reason I try to put all the pieces together.

She is the reason I started this blog over two years ago, to share her story
 To share me. 

She is my ambassador for Butterfly Kisses.

She has taken a person who has always wanted to give, but never could figure out how.

She has changed me.  

For the good.

Happy Birthday...and thank you so much.... darling baby girl....


  1. Heidi I hope you do see a special butterfly today. What a grad jester that would be knowing that your little girl sent it just for you.
    Here is to keeping her close to your heart and always remembering her! Happy Birthday little Jamie!

  2. here is wishing many butterflies cross your path....butterflies for everyones life's you have touched from your giving!

  3. I really hope you see a butterfly today. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl.

  4. ((((HUG)))) Heidi! Sending many thoughts and prayers (and hopefully butterflies!) your way today! Happy Birthday, sweet Jamie! Your mama loves you and misses you! <3

  5. Well, I cried for you :-) and I went out to Michaels tree and there's not one but 2 butterflies.

  6. Happy Birthday Jamie. <3 May you see the butterflies she sends your way and find comfort in knowing she's doing well and looking out for you.

  7. Sending you hugs and love and tears from afar. I hope you see a butterfly today. <3

  8. Wishing you all the best, Heidi!

  9. What a blessed girl she was to feel your love. Don't worry about tears, they may come or not come, Jamie knows your heart). I am sure she is watching over you and her family. <3

  10. Love, hugs and butterfly's are being sent your way today Heidi. Don't worry about the tears, they may or may not come. Beautiful Jamie is in your heart. You touched my heart a long thine ago with your loss and now not a time goes by when I see a butterfly and think of your precious Jamie, you and all your boys. Huge hugs xxx

  11. I butterfly came to my garden yesterday and as always I said hi to Jamie. I hope you do get a butterfly today.
    Happy birthday Jamie!!

  12. Hope a butterfly flutters by today!

  13. like butterflies who pass through our lives just a moment to make us happy
    remember it with joy and if some tears fall, no matter,
    is the heart that speaks. affection for you Heidie.

  14. Praying for you Heidi! No fair making others cry today. I have just referred a close friend of mine to your website. She and I are going to collaborate on a Butterfly Kisses project - she recently lost a little girl.
    Much love and many butterflies today!

  15. Hugs dear friend, and Happy Birthday to your precious butterfly.

  16. Heidi, thinking of you and your family and hoping you see your butterfly. Happy Birthday to your little girl. Sending prayers and positive thoughts!

  17. Heidi, I hope you and your family get through today in the best way you can. You are in my thoughts!

  18. Happy Belated Birthday to Jamie!! I think it is absolutely wonderful the way that you are keeping her legacy alive through your quilting and helping other Babyloss Families! God Bless Jamie and your wonderful family:)


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